I’ve just realised that the whole point of today was I was going to drink too much and get high and finally hurt myself.

I can even feel my left arm waiting for it and I could totally do it but, the fuck of the twat is that it’s only for when it’s really important and necessary.

And I just wan’t it to be important and necessary so that I can do it again but that’s not the new rules.

I am no longer allowed to set fire to or cut my own arms unless it’s life threatening mental bullshit release stuff.

And that is a cunt of a decision to make but if no one reads this I can do it secretely now and again when I’m only 3/4 of the way there and can’t be arsed climbing the rest of the ladder.