I’ve thought it before about the clarity and sometimes when I’m in about here as I am right now when I’m talking to myself on this. I know what I’m saying or rather I know what I’m thinking and I’m thinking these words and even paying attention to when I make my right little finger go for the backspace button because I got a letter wrong,

Or when it pressed Enter just then to make a paragraph like I’m going to make it do again after I press comma,

I can see things and focus and know what I’m doing even though all I’m doing is talking about what I’m doing but I am totally paying attention to that.

And that’s what I think clarity is and if I got diagnoses and shit and went on proper medication I think I’d see things with this kind of one track focus don’t get sidetracked view of things and as much as it might be useful in the grown up world, I don’t want it.

When you pay attention like I assume it is, all the dragons go away, all the playgrounds, all the swings, all the side track side paths of weird adventures go away or become closed.

and I can’t imagine riding a ride that went from a to b.

I don’t like that I can’t pay attention and I get all weird and it makes me cry a lot sometimes and I wish I could just focus.

but if doing that is what I think it is then hence why I’m scared of such a thing.

Imagine me if I just talked sensible all the time?!!!!!???

I get scared because I think I’m broken but I’m terrified of being fixed.