I’m definitely riding one of those up things on the bi polar stuff because no matter how drunk I am, and i’m not going to say I’m not and wasn’t when I decided to go to the booze shop.

All the messages I’ve sent to whoever and whatever I’ve said, I’ve felt the pull of the Sad but I just don’t can’t have the ability to hurt myself.

It’s strange when it’s there and you know it is but, to be all poetic on it, it’s as distant as the sun.

I almost want to do it just to get it out of the way for a few months a year whatever but then I think maybe it’s gone away forever and this is how it is now: missing it but not wanting it.

I wonder if that’s how you win? you don’t win by beating it and “winning”, you win by always wanting it forever, but never give in.

it hurts to not hurt myself but that’s a good thing, supposedly.