I have zero desire to kill myself any more because of people but they’ve even mostly unless I NEED it, stolen my ability to slice or burn my own arms.

I want to do the Bad thing so much right now to sort everything out and I can just go o bed with a bit of blood or a groovy burn blister or whaever,

but instead I have to be all sensible and not stab myself.

I just want and instant pain and then all the rest of the rubbish goes away.