The body thing is interesting I’m getting tubby I think that’s why the other me I’ve been going out for walks, almost on the sly

dude, the buzz and losing weight from the gig is gone, go outside. and move that ass….you lazy fuck.

I talk a lot to myself in my head, I message a lot of people when I’m like this.

I’m me i’ts fine I’m normal.

What if I’m not?

I wish I could remember if I was always like this. I’m fairliy certain I was but what if I wasn’t and a shrink would be a good idea.

But then aren’t shrinks just talking to yourself anyway like in The Healer?

You don’t know until you know or you don’t know until you try.

From me to me, go see a shrink, try some meds.

From me to me, fuck you you scary cunt.

I don’t know what I want and I’ve no idea what I need. I just do stuff with no steering wheel and hope I don’t crash.

Gonna press send and do a body one part t or something

Struggling already. Went for a walk, sat in the park, read an old notebook, wrote some stuff, now on the beer.

Don’t want to eat but it’ll just make it worse if I don’t which may be why I don’t want to eat.

Fuck.

I’m gonna keep this up, it’s healthy.

What do I have to say?

That guy’s shit has near enough stopped fucking with me. I’ll think this and that for a bit yet I know, but I think I can handle that quite easy.

It was so upsetting because it’s been a very long time since I’ve been that misunderstood.

Went for a smoke got thinking. A thing that scares me a lot is all this brain stuff. The more I read the more it seems I’ve got ADHD. And i read a thing the other day and this woman said she was old when she got diagnosed and they gave her some meds and everything was the same but clearer.

I imagined it in the way of getting a new pair of glasses.

What if I could do that? What if there were meds that could just make it all a little bit calmer without changing who I am?

I scare me a lot but so many cool people like me that I want to stay like this, I can get by and do a grown up if I absolutely have to but, what if, just what if

I don’t know what if, thoughts end on a blank highway sometimes and I can’t not help writing in a poetry way even in my fucking diary.

I don’t want to be fixed but what if they can actually fix me?

I will die never knowing because I know I’ll never do it. And I no longer have anyone who would make me do such a thing.

I wish I could “accidentally” download the first one for free.